


Back To You

by dylanhun



Category: The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Drama, Flashbacks, Lots of Angst, Lots of Heartbreak, M/M, Slow Burn, Smut, Sorry guys, newtmas - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-03-16 19:44:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13643181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dylanhun/pseuds/dylanhun
Summary: Childhood bestfriends AU - where Newt is in love with Thomas and Thomas keeps breaking his heart.





	1. IDGAF

December, 2017

 

_Tommy:_

 

**Morning run?**

 

Newt groaned, trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes. Having a hyperactive, atlethic best friend was very exhausting but he knew Thomas wouldn’t take no for an answer.

 

**Give me 10 x**

After tossing his phone away, he rolled onto his back and sighed, staring up at the ceiling. Newt actually hated- no, despised running. Not to mention that it was freezing outside and his bed was warm and cosy. It was also a Sunday, which is meant for staying inside and preferabely doing nothing all day.

 

He really needed lazy friends.

 

-

 

Thomas was already stretching and warming up when Newt forced himself outside, the frosty air hitting him right in the face.

 

Bloody December.

 

“You’re kidding right? You’re actually wearing shorts?” Newt rolled his eyes, he looked ridiculous.

 

Thomas turned around and flashed him a smile. “Good for my immune system,” he shrugged, patting Newt on his shoulder to greet him.

 

“Or to catch a cold,” Newt huffed. Thomas rolled his eyes then, laughing. He turned away from Newt and started jogging down the street, the other boy trying very hard to catch up with him.

 

-

 

They actually did this two times a week, and Newt regretted it every single time. So when they arrived at their usual coffee place after an hour of plain torture, Newt actually moaned at the scent of freshly brewed coffee and homemade cupcakes. This was the only part he liked about their morning runs.

 

Thomas ordered their usual drinks while Newt dropped himself on the couch, still trying to catch his breath.

 

He hated running but he couldn’t deny that he loved spending time with Thomas. This was their quality time.

 

“Thanks, Tommy,” Newt sighed mirthfully, accepting his latte with a small hint of cinnamon. His favourite.

 

Thomas settled next to him, taking a sip from his coffee. Black, always black.

 

“So, did you talk to Minho about New Year?” Thomas asked, turning his body to him so their knees were touching.

 

Thomas was very affectionate and touched and hugged basically everyone all the time, while Newt was more reserved. But with Thomas it was different, he felt safe.

 

“Yeah, he talked to the landlord and he said it’s fine. And most of our neighbors are either gone or at our party so, it’s all good,” he said, enjoying the warmth of his coffee, feeling his body temperature becoming normal again.

 

This year, they decided to throw the New year’s eve party at Minho’s and his apartment since last year was a huge disaster.

 

They decided to do a pub crawl and by 11 pm everyone was wasted and by the time they reached the fourth pub, half of their group was already missing. Newt had found himself all alone at 12 pm, celebrating the new year with a drunk lady who kept telling him he had very nice eyebrows.  

 

So, this year, staying at the same place for the whole evening seemed like a safer and more fun option.

 

“Great, it’s going to be lit!” Thomas grinned, his eyes twinkling with excitement. Newt chuckled at Thomas’ choice of vocabulary. He was one special boy.

 

They drank their coffee in a comfortable silence, both lost in their thoughts.

 

“You know, the old lady who lives downstairs still talks about you. She misses your weekly company,” Thomas mumbled suddenly, creating a small distance between them.

 

Newt tensed, disliking the sudden loss of contact. He didn’t expect Thomas to bring up this subject. The subject they hadn’t talked about for the past thee months.

 

“Tommy I- “ Thomas put his hand up, signalling him to stop talking, that he shouldn’t explain himself.

 

“It’s okay, I shouldn’t have brought it up,” he interrupted, adverting his gaze from Newt.

 

Newt looked at his lap, feeling defeated. He didn’t dare to look at Thomas.  

 

Back when he used to live with Thomas, he visited Margaret every Wednesday for some afternoon tea. It all started when one of her cats had snuck into their apartment. When he went to return the cat, she invited him in for some tea and scopes. She was 83 years old and had lost her husband recently. Ever since then he made sure to keep her company at least once a week, but since he moved out it got more difficult for him.

 

Newt started to feel guilty, it had been three months since he last saw her. He made a mental note to himself to visit her as soon as he could.

 

“I should go, still got some school work to do,” Thomas interrupted his thoughts, quickly jumping to his feet. “See you tomorrow, bud”, and before Newt could say something, Thomas had already left.

 

-

 

Newt got home, feeling dirty and tired. Minho wouldn’t be back from work until six, so he was home alone. After a quick shower, he still felt tired so he decided to go back to bed.

 

He hated feeling like this. He just wished that Thomas would understand why he moved out. He knew he had hurt Thomas, deciding to move out all sudden without any explanation. But deep down he wished that Thomas wasn’t so oblivious and realised why he had to leave.  

 

 

**May, 2016**

_Newt was wasted._

_It was a Saturday and Minho had dragged him to their local pub, claiming he needed to get out more._

_He had been studying for his exams the past two weeks, barely leaving his room. At first he didn’t want to go but now he was happy to be here, surrounded by his best friends who were laughing at Minho’s poor attempt to get a girl’s number._

_He was watching Thomas, who was cracking up, looking beautiful as his head was tilted backwards and his neck was in full glory._

_When he was sober, it was quite easy for Newt to shut of his feelings and look away from Thomas when he needed to. But drunk Newt had uncontrollable hormones, already feeling his body fill with lust as he was imagining all the things he could do to that beautiful neck._

_Thomas finally stopped laughing and noticed Newt starring at him, giving him a small- slightly drunk smile. Newt blushed, realizing he was being way too obvious and needed to get his shit together._

_The night escalated quickly, and suddenly Newt found himself leaning against a wall, barely able to keep himself up straight. His friends were dancing in front of him, looking happy but ridiculous._

_He didn’t notice Thomas coming up to him, putting his arm against the wall and leaning into Newt._

_“You alright, bud?” Newt got goose bumps on his neck, feeling dizzy from the alcohol and Thomas’ scent. Thomas was so close._

_Newt found it very hard to find words as he just stared at Thomas, eyes half open and lips parted slightly. Thomas seemed to notice and chuckled, “Let’s get you home.”_

_-_

_They walked home- well, Thomas walked while Newt stumbled, trying to keep his balance by holding on to Thomas’ shoulder. Newt was suddenly very grateful that the pub was only 10 minutes away from their apartment._

_“I’m so drunk Tommy” Newt mumbled, dropping his head onto Thomas’ shoulder affectively._

_“I know, bud. I’ll take care of you” Thomas replied. Newt knew this, he always took care of him._

_They reached their building and took the elevator to the third floor, Newt already close to falling asleep._

_Thomas helped Newt into his room, putting him down on his bed and taking off his shoes. Newt was smiling contently, enjoying Thomas’ attention and help._

_When Thomas was trying to unbutton Newt’s shirt, Newt decided he was tired and wanted to lay down, making the brunette fall on top of him. The blonde gasped at the sudden change of contact while Thomas started laughing, putting his hands next to Newt’s face to hold his balance._

_Newt found himself staring at the boy on top of him, all kind of thoughts and feelings going through his mind at once. Thomas was everywhere and Newt felt lightheaded, realizing how good this felt and how long he had ached for this kind of contact._

_God, he needed to get out of this situation._

_Just when he planned to push the other boy away, Thomas started tickling him, knowing exactly where his weak spots were. Newt started yelling and laughing like crazy._

_“STO- STOP IT TOMMY P-P-PLEASE!” Newt laughed, he hated being tickled and Thomas knew it. He was struggling to get out of the other boy’s grip, but he was stronger and Newt’s drunken muscles were useless._

_Newt was a person that always thought twice before doing or saying something. He made sure he never got into embarrassing situations or hurt people’s feelings._

_But now, he wasn’t thinking._

_He launched forward, connecting hips lips with Thomas’, cutting him completely off guard. Thomas, still in shock, didn’t respond at first, trying to calculate what was happening in his head._

_Newt then realized what he was doing, ready to pull away but then- Thomas kissed back._

_It was sloppy and awkward but it was Thomas and Newt. Newt and Thomas._

_Newt touched Thomas desperately, trying to take in that this was actually happening- this was real. He touched him everywhere- his face, his arms, his neck, everywhere he could reach. Thomas’ lips were soft and Newt felt like he was in heaven. He could kiss him forever._

_Newt was pulled back to reality when he felt something wet falling on his nose, opening his eyes to see Thomas._

_He was crying. Thomas was crying._

_“Tommy, what’s wrong?” Newt pulled back._

_“I’m sorry, Newt”_

_Newt winced at the loss of contact as Thomas pulled himself up, already missing his lips on his own._

_“I’m so so sorry,”_

_Thomas left._

_That was the first time Thomas broke Newt’s heart._


	2. Can we still be friends?

_ Chapter 2: Can we still be friends? _

 

Things were awkward between him and Thomas for a while. Sure, they still sat next to each other in class and had lunch together, but they were never alone, always surrounded by their friends. They avoided talking to each other- only if it was necessary, and while they normally texted pretty much every day, he didn’t receive one message from Thomas since Sunday. Newt locked himself up in his room every night, trying to focus on school, but mostly just moping about Thomas.

 

Of course, eventually, their friends noticed.

 

“Seriously dude, what’s up with you and Thomas?” Minho asked during dinner, clearly frustrated with the situation. Newt knew that Minho hated it when there was tension in the group, especially with New Year’s Eve around the corner.

 

Newt sighed, wishing he could give Minho a proper answer. But this was something between him and Thomas. Something he couldn’t explain. No one would understand, not even Minho. And sure, since he moved in with Minho, they’ve gotten pretty close, but, Newt figured it wasn’t a good idea to open up about what was really going on. Minho would never be able to look at Thomas the same way, all the others (and Thomas obviously) would notice, and everything would go wrong.

 

Nobody knew about their first kiss, or anything that happened after, and Newt was determined to keep it that way.

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Minho,” Newt stated, making sure to avoid Minho’s questioning eyes. He was the worst at lying, especially if it was to one of his best friends.

 

Minho rolled his eyes, not believing Newt for one bit.

 

“I’m not stupid, Newt. You guys were literally attached to the hip and now you can barely look each other in the eye. Ever since you moved out, things have been different, I just want to know what’s going on.”

 

Even though the blond was very aware of the situation, Minho’s words still hit him like a truck. Even if it had only been a week, he truly missed Thomas’ presence and silly jokes, he always missed him.  

 

God, he needed to make things right with Thomas.

 

“I promise everything will be fine by New Year,” He assures Minho. Minho seemed to be satisfied with his answer, dropping the subject and focusing back on his food.

 

-

**Newt:**

 

_Miss you x_

Newt nervously bit his lip, waiting for a reply. He had been pacing around his room all evening, contemplating what to text the other boy.

 

**Tommy:**

_Miss you more x_

 

-

 

When Newt left his apartment the next day, cursing because he was already late for his classes, Thomas was waiting for him outside.

 

He was holding two cups of coffee, looking adorable in his oversized jacket and Newt wanted to kiss him right then and there. This was Thomas’ way of making things right with Newt, and it always worked.

 

Thomas knew this.

 

“What would I do without you, Tommy”, Newt gladly took his coffee, already in a better mood then ten seconds ago.

 

Thomas smiled, pulling Newt in a small hug. Newt sighed at the contact. “Missed you,” he softly whispered in Newt’s ear, leaving a lingering kiss on Newt’s cheeck before pulling away. Newt started blushing like the loser he was, pretending he wasn’t affected by how close his best friend was only seconds ago.

 

They walked to school together, and everything was okay again.

-

 

Christmas came around, meaning everyone would go back to their family for a couple of days. But before everyone left, they decided to hold a small gathering at Thomas’ place, kind of like a pre-Christmas party.

 

Newt was chatting with Frypan and Minho, bringing up some embarrassing stories from back when they were still in high school. He was having a great time, already on his third beer, when he noticed Thomas staring at him from across the room, sunken in his own thoughts.

 

Newt felt nervous suddenly, running his fingers through his hair, not comfortable with the boy’s eyes on him. Thomas had the tendency to do things like this, giving him stares, making him wonder if something was up. He waved at the boy to get him out of his daze, mouthing what was wrong. Thomas quickly turned away when he noticed, clearly feeling caught in the act, leaving Newt baffled and defeated.

 

He finds Thomas in the kitchen later, getting a beer out of the fridge. First he was thinking about turning around and avoiding Thomas for the rest of the evening, but then he felt a sudden wave of confidence hit him, ready to confront Thomas about earlier.

 

“Why were you looking at me like that?” Newt got straight to the point.

 

The brunette jumps, “God, Newt you scared the shit out of me,” he says, purposefully ignoring the question. Newt is not in the mood for this.

 

“Tommy,” He approaches him. “Talk to me.” Newt wanted answers and he was going to get them.

 

Thomas sighed, realizing that lying to his best friend wasn’t an option. “I guess I was just thinking about when you still lived here”, he shrugged, his voice soft and elaborated, “It still feels empty here, without you,” Thomas pouted, leaning against the counter. “I miss cooking together, watching movies in my bed… Just, having you around all the time,”

 

At first, Newt didn’t know what to feel when Thomas said those words. Happy? Relieved? But then he decided to go with the most logic reaction: anger.

 

“Are you serious right now?”, Newt balled his fists, anger intruding his body, “you have no right to say things like this, you seriously don’t-”

 

“Newt- “, Thomas tried to interrupt him, putting his hands up defencelessly.

 

“No! Stop!”, he moved forward so he was standing face to face with Thomas. “Stop doing this, Tommy. Everything was fine, we were fine. Don’t- don’t ruin this, don’t ruin us”, Newt was practically shouting by now. Thomas cardinally backed away, startled by Newt’s approach.

 

“I’m sorry, I just- I need to know why you left.” Thomas responded laboriously. They were only a few inches away from each other, staring each other down. Newt’s eyes were filled with fury while Thomas’ were defeated.

 

“If you actually cared about me, you would know why I left”, he gritted trough his teeth.

 

He needed to get out of here before things would escalate and people would start noticing what was happening.

 

“You have no idea how much I care” Thomas murmured, but Newt had already left.

 

-

 

_Tommylicious tagged you in a photo._

 

-

 

Newt groaned, deciding to ignore Thomas’ Instagram post. For the last three months, everything had been okay between them. He was finally starting to hurt less, focusing back on his school and maybe even going on a date once a while. He was finding his own happiness again, going out more, living his own life.

 

So why was Thomas making it hard again, demanding a different kind of attention from Newt that he knew he didn’t deserve.

**New Year**

Minho and Newt had been cleaning and decorating the apartment (well, only the living room and kitchen, cause their bedrooms were off limits) all day, while Thomas and Teresa took care of the booze.  Newt seriously underestimated how exhausting throwing a party could be.

 

At around 10 pm, most of the people started to show up, and by 11 pm their apartment was packed with (pretty drunk) people. Gally took care of the music, Frypan was in charge of making sure no one went anywhere else but their living or bathroom, and Newt was taking care of snacks. Of course, he volunteered for this, since he loved cooking. He also decided to stay sober tonight, breaking his yearly tradition. He just wasn’t in the mood.

 

When Newt walked out of the kitchen with new snacks, he spotted Thomas sitting on the couch, deep in conversation with Teresa. His heart fluttered at the sight, taking in how gorgeous the brunet looked. He was wearing Newt’s favourite t-shirt, and trousers he knew his ass looked great in.

 

_Kill me now, please._

 

It seemed like Thomas could feel Newt’s eyes on him, his eyes meeting Newts, offering him a small smile before focusing back on his conversation with Theresa. They hadn’t exactly talked after what happened at the pre-Christmas party, but it wasn’t as awkward as before.

 

Newt did decide that he would try to talk to Thomas later, just to clear the air between them.

 

After keeping himself busy with oven-snacks for the next hour, Newt glanced at his phone.

_11:55 p.m._

 

 _Another lonely New Year’s Eve for me I guess,_ he thought. He didn’t exactly mind, but he knew that almost everyone will be smooching each other in 5 minutes, while he would have to kiss the back of his hand to get some action.

 

_10_

_9_

_8_

_7_

_6_

 

Newt quickly got out of the kitchen when he heard the countdown, spotting Minho, Frypan, Gally and Chuck, all standing together, drinks in their hand and ridiculous party-glasses on. He joined them, feeling blissful to start another year with the best people in the world.

 

_5_

_4_

_3_

_2_

_1_

_HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!_

Newt got pulled into a messy group hug, groaning because he really just wasn’t a hugger. He pulled away after a couple of seconds, thinking that was enough social contact for the upcoming year. He realized that Thomas hadn’t joined in their group hug, so he looked around the room, searching for those beautiful brown eyes.

 

Newt wished he hadn’t.

 

His stomach dropped. Thomas was leaning against the wall across the living room, locking lips with none other than Teresa.

 

He should have seen this coming, he really should have, but he still felt sick at the sight.

 

He looked away, swallowing his tears and focusing back on his friends. He was all too familiar with this pain, seeing the boy he loved so dearly with someone else.

 

And that’s when Newt realized, he will never get over Thomas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO MUCH DRAMA
> 
> sorry guys xxx
> 
> please leave a comment if you liked this!! It really motivates me to keep writing
> 
> love you guys xxx


	3. Drunk in love

 

For the past four months, Newt had tried to make amends with his situation. After he moved in with Minho, he did his best to maintain his friendship with Thomas, pretending that everything was okay. But, after New Year’s Eve, Newt decided that it wasn’t okay and it never will be. Being best friends with the person who broke you and who you’re still in love with, is impossible.

 

He realised that Thomas will always find a way to break his heart all over again, and his love would forever be unrequited.

 

So, Newt found it best to keep his distance. He ignored most of Thomas’ texts, made sure he wasn’t home when he knew Thomas would come over, and hung out more with people from school.

 

Sometimes it was hard, because Thomas had been his best friend since he was ten years old and he missed him, but, Newt figured that that’s just how life goes, and he was sick of being depressed all the time. He was really going to try anything to move on with his life.

 

\---

 

Minho was sitting on the couch when he got home after school. The TV was turned off and the room was silent, it looked like he had been waiting for Newt.

 

“We need to talk,” Minho firmly said the moment the other boy stepped into the room.

 

“Well, hello to you too mate,” Newt chuckled, putting his bag down and hanging his coat away. When he noticed that the other boy still had a stern look, he frowned and sat down next to him.

 

“What’s up?” He asked, feeling very uncomfortable. He had never seen Minho this serious before.

 

Minho sighed, turning his body to Newt so he was facing him.

 

“Look, I know we sort of had this talk before, but… I feel like you’re hiding something,”

 

Newt knew what was coming next.

 

“You know you can tell me anything, Newt. And… I’m only asking you this because you guys are like brothers to me and I care about your happiness. What happened between you and Thomas? Why did you move out?” Minho asked, looking genuinely concerned.

 

Newt realised then that lying to the boy would break his heart and maybe affect their friendship. Maybe Minho would never trust him again, or think that their friendship wasn’t important enough. Maybe he would lose another friend.

 

A couple of minutes passed, and when Newt looked up to Minho, the other boy nodded reassuringly.

 

That’s when he decided he was done lying.

 

“I really want to tell you what happened, but you have to promise me one thing”, he answered. Minho nodded again.

 

“Just… Please, don’t let this change things between you and Thomas. You have to promise me that, okay?” Newt was never the person to come between friendships, and he wasn’t planning on becoming one.

 

Minho frowned at his request. “Okay, I promise.”

 

Newt took a deep breath, and started explaining everything to Minho.

 

\-----

 

“I’m going to kill that son of a bitch!” Minho jumped up, bawling his fists. Newt should have seen this coming.

 

“No, Minho. You promised me, remember that.” He tried to calm the other boy down.

 

In the past half hour, Newt had told him everything, starting from their very first kiss to the moment he moved out. This was the first time that Newt had confessed to someone else that he was in love with Thomas, that he had been in love with him for the past few years.

 

He felt sort of relieved, like he could breathe again. But, with every sentence he had said, he could just see Minho getting more angry and shocked.

 

“I just- I can’t believe he did this to you… Are you, are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine, Minho. Or I will be, time heals everything.” Newt smiled, appreciating Minho’s concern.

 

It looked like the other boy wasn’t convinced with Newt’s answer, as he launched forward, pulling a startled Newt into a crushing hug.

 

“I’m glad you finally told me, mate. Remember I’ll always be there for you alright?” Minho sort of whispered into his ear. Newt nodded, happy with the other boy’s concern.

 

“Just… Don’t make it hard on him, please? He’s still one of your best friends and I don’t want to ruin that”, Newt said as he pulled away. Minho looked like he was contemplating what to respond, clearly fighting a battle in his own head.

 

“I won’t, I promise. But it will be hard for me the first few weeks to not punch him in his face every time I see that bastard.”

 

The blond laughed, fully understanding Minho’s statement.

 

\----- 

On Friday, Newt found himself in their local pub, already slightly drunk at 8 pm. Like always, his group of friends had dragged him out of his room, complaining that he needed to spend more time with them.

 

Newt couldn’t deny that this was true. He had kept his distance to avoid Thomas, but this also meant that he didn’t see his other friends often. He only met up with Gally and Frypan once for lunch, but that was about it.

 

So now, there he was, sitting in a cosy booth with a huge pint in his hand. He was also sitting across from Thomas, who had been trying to make eye contact with him for the past half hour. Newt didn’t even look at him once. He knew that Thomas would probably try to talk to him, and that’s exactly what he wanted to avoid.

 

“Yo, dude”, Gally nudged him, trying to get his attention. Newt snapped out of his daydreaming, raising his eyebrows at Gally.

 

“That guy over there has been staring at you for 10 minutes,” Gally pointed at a guy who was sitting in a booth on the other side of the room with 4 other guys. Newt recognized him from school. His name was Aris, and he was in his Advanced Chemisty class. Newt always thought he was kind of cute.

 

“That’s Aris, he’s in my Chemistry class”, he shrugged. The boy noticed that Newt was looking at him, and gave him a kind smile.

 

“Well, he clearly has the hots for you so, go talk to him you dumb fuck,” Gally stated the obvious, making Newt roll his eyes.

 

“I’m not interested, Gal” He mumbled. Okay, the guy was hot, but Newt definitely wasn’t ready for a new love interest. Besides, he was way too shy to talk to new people.

 

“Gosh, I’m not asking you to marry that guy. Seriously, how long has it been since you had a good fuck?” Gally asked a little bit too loud, grasping the other boys’ attention. Newt felt his cheeks heat up, embarrassment taking over. He loved Gally but he hated his bluntness.

 

He could feel Thomas’ eyes on him, making things even worse. His former best friend knew exactly when he had sex for the last time. The memory brought back all kind of feelings, and Newt really just wanted to run away.

 

“Leave him alone, Gally,” Minho spoke up, shoving Gally lightly in his ribs. That’s when Newt remembered that he had told Minho everything, and at that moment he was so happy that he did. Gally decided to let it go and Newt gave Minho a grateful look, getting a wink from the boy.

 

He could still feel Thomas’ eyes on him, and a sudden wave of confidence hit him. He took a big gulp from his drink and got up, walking over to the brunet’s booth.

“Hi, I’m Newt. You’re in my Chemistry class, right?” He extended his hand.

“Yes I am! I’m Aris,” he shook Newt’s hand, clearly happy that the boy was talking to him.

 

“Mind if I sit?” Newt asked politely. The brunet shook his head, immediately creating space for Newt to sit.

 

Newt sat down and started talking to the boy, not regretting his decision one bit.

 -----

 

A couple hours and pints later, Newt was feeling very at ease with the other boy, really enjoying their conversation. He didn’t know if it was just the alcohol, but he felt like he could talk to the boy about anything.

 

By 10 pm, the music went up in volume and everyone was dancing or making an attempt to. Newt decided he was also in the mood to dance, so he grabbed Aris’ arm and dragged him to the ‘dancefloor’. He really didn’t know where all this confidence was coming from.

 

To keep the conversation going, they had to stand very close to each other, automatically turning the dancing in something more intimate. When Aris leaned in to tell him something in his ear, his lips brushed Newt’s neck and he got slight goose bumps, enjoying the contact. This was the first intimate contact that Newt had had in months, and he didn’t realise until now how much he had missed to be touched.

 

All of a sudden, he felt hands on his waist, and after a couple seconds he realised that the other boy was getting closer, his eyes clearly focused on Newt’s lips. Then the other boy’s lips where on his. It was nice and soft, their lips slowly moving together.

 

He put his hands around Aris’ neck, deepening the kiss. He could hear Minho and Gally cheering in the background, making him smile into the kiss. His friends were ridiculous.

 

When they both pulled away to get some air, Newt smiled shyly at the boy. This was the first kiss he had in months, and it was a damn good one.

 

“I’m going to get something to drink, you want one?” Newt shook his head at the question and Aris smiled, giving him a quick kiss before heading over to the bar.

 

Newt still couldn’t believe what just happened, but he felt very happy.

 

“Way to go, dude!” He didn’t even realize that Minho had approached him, too caught up in his own world. The Asian patted his shoulder like a proud father, making Newt’s smile even bigger.

 

His grin was quickly washed away when he spotted Thomas leaning against the wall. He was looking at Newt, but there was something wrong with his eyes. He seemed upset.

 

Newt frowned at the sight, but decided to shruf it off. He wasn’t going to let Thomas ruin his night.

 

\-----

 

He was exciting the bathroom for the fifth time a couple of hours later, the alcohol clearly having an effect on his bladder, when he was abruptly pushed against the wall by someone.

 

Thomas.

 

He was pushing Newt’s hands against the wall and leaning against him with his chest.

 

“Looks like you’ve been having a good time tonight,” he slurred his words, clearly very drunk. His breath reeked of alcohol and his eyes were drooping.

 

“Thomas, you’re hurting me.” After he said those words, he could feel Thomas’ grip loosen a little bit, but he was still pining him fiercely against the wall.

 

“So are you”, Thomas replied, his voice breaking. What the hell was he talking about.

 

“What-“, Newt stopped talking when Thomas leaned his head on his shoulder. The drunk boy seemed defeated. Newt didn’t know what to do so he just let the other boy lean against him.

 

“I miss you so much, Newt… so so much,” he mumbled against Newt’s shoulder. He sounded like he was on the urge of crying.

 

“Tommy…” Newt sighed, no idea what to respond.

 

“And seeing you with that guy is just… It’s making me crazy” the boy admitted. Newt couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Was this actually happening? Was Thomas jealous?

 

“I’m so sorry, Newt. I’m so sorry for everything.” And before Newt could even think of a proper response, the drunken boy had wandered off.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT IS HAPPENINGGGG
> 
> please give me some love if you like this story
> 
> love you guys xxx


	4. The first time

 

He kept meeting up with Aris regularly after that night. They weren’t anything official, keeping things casual except for the occasional kisses when they went out. Newt liked how things were going, no drama or pain, just him having a good time.

 

He also did his best not to think about what happened with Thomas that night. He did try to find him after the drunken boy had wandered off, but Gally told him that he already went home. He was still very confused about Thomas’ words. Thomas sort of admitted to being jealous of seeing him with someone else. But, maybe this is exactly what he wanted; to make Newt hopeless and confused again. Thomas had kissed Teresa right in front of him on New Year’s Eve, so what gave him the right to act like that?

 

**June, 2016**

_It was a Friday night, and while everyone was getting drunk, Newt was sulking on the couch, watching a horror movie by himself. The last month had been pure torture, and he had been feeling pretty down lately, not in the mood to do anything or leave the apartment._

_Ever since the night of the kiss, Thomas and Newt had been ignoring each other. Newt remembered waking up with a huge headache the morning after, only realizing what had happened the night before a couple of minutes later. When he went over to Thomas’ room to apologize, the other boy wasn’t there. And that’s how it had been for the past few weeks._

_Thomas always left early in the morning and came back very late, or sometimes he didn’t even sleep at their place and he ignored Newt’s calls and texts. One time, Newt left a post-it on the refrigerator that said ‘I’m sorry, Tommy’, but the next day he came in the kitchen, the post-it was still hanging there but he didn’t get any response._

_He only bumped into him once when he got out of the bathroom, which turned into a very awkward exchange of eye contact and Thomas quickly entering the bathroom and locking the door._

_So basically, Newt was feeling like shit. Not only did he kiss his best friend who he had been in love with for the past 6 years, now he had also ruined their friendship. He just wished that it had never happened._

_About one hour into the movie, Newt decided that the movie was pretty dull and started to doze off to dreamland, when he heard the front door open._

_He immediately stiffened. Thomas._

_He didn’t know why he felt so nervous every time he heard Thomas come home. He knew that his (former?) best friend was probably just going to take a shower or change his clothes before heading out to the pub; successfully ignoring him in the process, of course._

_What he didn’t expect, was Thomas flopping down next to him on the couch, still leaving a big space between them. Newt sat upright, not really understanding what was happening._

_He presumed that the other boy would say something, but Thomas stayed awfully quiet. When Newt dared to look at him out of the corner of his eye, he saw him staring blankly ahead, lost in his thoughts. Newt seemed very calm, but on the inside he was freaking out with the whole situation._

_“…Thomas” The blond mumbled courageously._

_This made the brunet turn his head, looking Newt directly in the eye for the first time in weeks. Normally, Newt found it very easy to read his best friend’s emotions, but this time, Thomas’ expression was incomprehensible._

_This awkward silence between them was killing him, and he was seriously contemplating to run away from the situation, but, he felt like maybe this was a step forward to restoring their friendship._

_“I- I really want to do something, Newt,” The silent boy finally spoke up, running his hands through his hair. This is something he did when he was nervous._

_“Err... What?” Newt couldn’t get out another word, feeling dumfounded and agitated. He was watching the other boy’s every move._

_Thomas then subtly scooted closer, his knee touching Newt’s, and the tension in the room took a sudden turn._

_Newt noticed Thomas’ eyes taking a quick glance at his lips, making an alarm going off in his head._

_This was happening, this was really happening._

_“What are yo-“_

_Newt was cut off by soft lips touching his, his mind going blank. The kiss was hesitant at first and the blond didn’t respond immediately, still too overwhelmed with what was happening._

_The brunet pulled back for a moment, staring into Newt’s eyes as if he was asking for permission to continue, and all the other boy could do was give a small nod, before pressing their lips together again._

_This time, the kiss was more demanding. Thomas placed his hand on Newt’s neck, pushing him closer, creating a small whine from the other boy. Newt felt warm and fuzzy inside, consumed by Thomas’ scent and touch. Thomas was everywhere and Newt couldn’t imagine anything better than this._

_He licked Thomas’ upper lip with confidence, and the boy gladly obliged, letting Newt explore his mouth. His hands roamed through Thomas’ hair, and when he pulled at the strands, the other boy seemed to lose it, letting out a moan and pulling Newt in his lap. The slender boy gasped at the contact, feeling Thomas’ semi-hard on against his own. Thomas’ eyes were filled with lust, hair tousled and mouth hanging open slightly. Newt thought this was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen._

_Things were getting heated quickly, and all Newt wanted was to just be as close to the other boy as possible, he wanted to feel him everywhere. Thomas then grinded his hips against Newt’s, creating such a pleasure that Newt let out a loud moan, his eyes rolling back._

_They started grinding against each other, their kisses sloppy, teeth clashing together. Newt knew that he wasn’t going to last long, the pleasure he was feeling overpowering anything else that he had ever felt. He was exploring every part of Thomas’ body with his hands, mapping out every inch in his head, in case he never got the chance to touch him like this again._

_It took Newt one final thrust, moaning out Thomas’ name as he came, pushing the other boy over the edge. After his orgasm, Newt collapsed against Thomas, leaning his head on his shoulder. The only sound in the room was their heavy breathing._

_“Wow,” was all Newt could say after he regained his breath, still laying on top of Thomas. He was enjoying being this close to him. It felt right, like this is what he wanted to do for the rest of his life._

_“That was..-“_

_“Amazing?” Thomas breathed, a smirk on his face. He looked… well, sexed up, and Newt felt proud suddenly because this was his own doing. Thomas had wanted him._

_“I was going to say unexpected, but,” He grinned, not able to hide the excitement he was feeling._

**Present**

Newt groaned at the memory of his ‘first’ time with Thomas. At that time, he was overjoyed, because he finally had the love of his life. But now he wished he had never started his affair with Thomas, because he had gotten his heart broken multiple times in the process.

 

\---

 

“MINHO! THE DOOR!”, Newt yelled from the shower when he heard the doorbell. When he got no reply, he groaned, remembering that Minho was at work. He got out quickly, wrapping a towel around his waist before heading to the door, not even thinking about the fact that he was going to answer the door half naked and he had no idea who would be visiting them.

 

“Hel-Oh, Thomas, it’s… you.” He was wearing sweatpants, his hair a little bit longer than Newt was used to. He looked awful if Newt was being honest.

 

Of fucking course.

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

Newt pretended he didn’t notice Thomas quickly glancing at his torso, giving the boy one of his infamous frowns.

 

“I really needed to see you,” the unexpected visitor exclaimed, brushing past Newt and entering the apartment like it was his own.

 

Newt didn’t have a good feeling about this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is kind of a filler chapter, but I really wanted to post this!
> 
> I'm back with the flashbacks, and desperate Thomas is also back
> 
> hope you enjoy guys
> 
> xxx


	5. Spring break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First I want to thank you all for the kudos! I never thought that you guys would like this story
> 
> Also, I'm so sorry about all the drama between Thomas and Newt, but things will get better, I promise!
> 
> Enjoy this chapter guys

__

Newt had excused himself to go put on some clothes, because he was not going to have a conversation with Thomas without any clothes on. He quickly put on some sweatpants and a shirt, suddenly feeling very anxious. It had been weeks since they had any sort of contact, and now he was standing at his door.

 

When he returned, Thomas was already seated at the small dining table, his back turned to him. Newt noticed that he was fumbling with his hands, so he wasn’t the only nervous one around here.

 

The blond took a seat on the other side of the table so he was facing the boy, but he was happy that there was a decent distance between them. Being in Thomas’ presence made him feel weak and vulnerable, that’s the effect the boy had on him.

 

Newt was waiting for the other boy to speak up, but Thomas kept quiet, clearly finding his lap more interesting then Newt’s face.

 

“Err, I don’t know if you remember but, you’re the one who came here to talk to me so… maybe you should start talking?” Newt said with a hint of sarcasm, raising his eyebrow.

 

Thomas then cleared his throat, lifting his head so he was looking at Newt.

 

They had a minute worth of eye contact. And with every second passing by, Newt started feeling more and more intimidated and sort of… hot? God, this is exactly why he couldn’t get over this boy without avoiding him. All it took for him was just one look at those beautiful hazel-brown eyes to fall in love all over again.

 

Just when Newt wanted to excuse himself because really, this was becoming too much, the silent boy cleared his throat.

 

“I just wanted to clear things up between us. I know you’ve been avoiding me and that’s exactly what I deserve, but… I really miss you and I want us to go back to how we used to be,” Thomas finally spoke, his voice nervous and hesitant, like he was afraid of what Newt was going to respond.

 

“And what were we exactly, Tommy?” Newt realized that this was the first time in weeks that he had called him Tommy.

 

This made Thomas sigh. He didn’t answer right away, understanding what Newt meant with that question.

 

“…Friends… Best friends,” he then said, eyes expectedly staring at Newt.

 

Newt felt his stomach drop. It’s not like he was expecting anything else. But, he didn’t deny that after that evening in the pub, he started questioning Thomas’ true intentions. Now he knew that it was just so he could mess with his head again, like he had done plenty of times before. This thought made his blood boil, and his hands that were laying on the table automatically bawled into fists.

 

“I’m afraid I can’t do that, Thomas,” He snapped, unable to hide the anger in his voice. This was the only emotion he seemed to be feeling around the boy these days.

 

Thomas frowned.

 

“Why not, Newt? When you first moved out, everything was okay between us, and-  you’ve already moved on so-“

 

“Excuse me?” Newt slammed his fist on the table, making Thomas flinch.

 

“How dare you come here and talk about MY feelings? You have no Idea, Thomas, you have no idea what I’m feeling cause I’m not- I’m not your friend anymore, okay?” Newt’s voice softened at the last sentence.

 

“When I moved out, I thought I would be fine. But, I wasn’t, Okay? You broke me, Thomas. You-you used me and threw me away like garbage. You knew how I felt about you, and you manipulated me into thinking you felt the same way, only to throw things away the second you felt it was getting too serious. You’re-you’re fucking HOMOPHOBIC!”, Newt didn’t realize he was crying until he saw that Thomas was giving him that same petty look he used to give every time he hurt him. He angrily wiped away his tears, feeling lost and pathetic.

 

“Newt, what I felt was-” Thomas tried.

 

“No. Just, get out, Thomas. Please, if you still care about me, please just, leave me alone.” Newt said, defeat in his voice.

 

Thomas seemed to hesitate, before nodding slowly. He grabbed his jacket and left. Newt knew that Thomas had finally understood the message.

 

* * *

 

You see, Newt had tried to come up with every kind of excuse not to go, but, nothing had worked. He thought that Minho would at least understand why he didn’t want to go but the only response he got was; ‘ _come on dude, it’s spring break! Don’t be boring’._

So, there he was, sitting on a plane to Mallorca with his friends and of course, Thomas. He was going to be stuck with him for a whole week. They had decided to rent a decent villa with a pool, which was pretty nice. Come to think of it, he could really use a few days to relax and have a good time with his friends, so he was going to make the most out of it.

 

* * *

 

 

Newt was having a great time.

 

He was in a flashy bar, drinking cocktails out of buckets with a ridiculously long straw, wearing a pink tank top that said; ‘enjoy my cock… tail’. He knew he looked ridiculous, but Minho insisted that they all had to wear the same top (and the same bandanas), so at least he wasn’t the only one.

 

When he was feeling drunk enough, Brenda had convinced him to dance with her, excitedly pushing him to the dancefloor. They started to dance like two idiots on ‘Glad you came’ by The Wanted, and Newt felt the happiest he had been in months.

 

* * *

 

When they got back to the villa a couple of hours later, the sun was already rising. Everyone decided that it was time to go to bed, except for Newt, who was really in a mood for a morning swim.

 

After a couple of laps in the pool, Newt felt like his arms were going to fall off, so he got out, dropping himself onto one of the laying chairs.

 

He closed his eyes, finally feeling like he didn’t have a care in the world. Sometimes, life was good.

 

 

 

“Newt- hey, Newt!”

 

Newt opened his eyes, finding a pair of hazel-brown eyes staring down at him.

 

“… Thomas?” He asked, his voice hoarse and groggy.

 

The boy chuckled.

 

“It’s 11 am, you must have fallen asleep here.” He responded, still leaning over him.

 

Newt sat up, trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes.

 

“I noticed your skin was already burning from the sun so I figured it would be best to wake you up, wouldn’t want you to walk around like a lobster for the rest of the week” Thomas shrugged, a small smile on his lips. He then handed Newt a bottle of sun screen, their hands brushing together for a brief moment. Newt gulped, ignoring the warm feeling he got in his stomach.

 

“Err, thanks,” Newt mumbled, appreciating Thomas’ care. He felt a little bit self-conscious, knowing his hair was probably standing in all kind of different directions.  

 

“Your hair looks fine, Newt,” Thomas smiled knowingly. Sometimes Newt forgot that they had known each other for 11 years and Thomas knew every single of Newt’s expressions.

 

Newt faked a smile, not wanting to let his guard down.

 

“Don’t think we’re suddenly friends now” He huffed.

 

“I wouldn’t dare, Newt” Thomas gave him one last genuine smile before jumping into the pool.

 

Newt pretended he didn’t stare at Thomas’ torso and started to smear sun screen on his face.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> give me some love please xxx


	6. Truth or Dare

 

The next couple of days were filled with going to the beach, exploring what the island had to offer- and getting drunk, a lot.

 

They also lost Minho one night, which resulted in a search party in literally every bar and club they could think of, only to find him in cardiac sleep on one of the laying chairs at their pool. His pants were hanging on his knees, meaning his drunken ass was thinking of taking a swim- but he passed out in the process of undressing. Newt couldn’t remember the last time he had cracked up so hard, tears flowing freely while he clutched his stomach.

 

Everyone decided then that this would hunt Minho for the rest of his life.

 

Newt was also able to finally read some of the books he had bought a while ago. He made a mental note to try to read more when he was back home, since reading was probably one of his favourite things to do. As a kid, he practically lived in the library, but as he grew older, responsibilities and boys took over his life.

 

 

Everyone was relaxing at the pool, still trying to recover from last night. Minho and Gally were fast asleep, Frypan was watching YouTube videos with Thomas, Teresa and Brenda were trying to take the perfect Instagram photo, and Newt was- of course reading a book.

 

He was just reading a very exciting chapter when he heard the familiar sound of his phone going off, and then he remembered that Aris had asked him to facetime today. Aris was in Barcelona with his group of friends, so they were both doing their thing, but they still kept in touch.

 

He accepted the call, quickly making sure his hair was alright before the call connected and Aris popped up on his screen.

 

“Are you kidding me, how is it possible you’re already so tan??”

 

Newt’s comment made the boy chuckle.

 

“Can’t help it, it’s in my genes. You look very… red,” Aris laughed again, making Newt pout. It was not his fault that he wasn’t blessed with perfect genes. He was either white or red, no in-between.

 

“Ha-ha, you’re so funny,” Newt rolled his eyes. “No, seriously, you look so good!” He heard Frypan whistling from his chair and threw him a glare, which made the other boy return a wink.

 

“Thanks,” Newt noticed that Aris was blushing, and he thought it was the cutest thing ever.

 

“How is it going there? Everyone still alive?”

 

“Barely! We lost Minho last night, he actually fell asleep outside with his pants around his ankles,” Newt laughed at last night’s memory. “I’ll send you a picture later.”

 

Aris burst out laughing, probably imagining the situation in his head.

 

“What about you? Having fun?” Newt asked when their laughing died down.

 

“Yeah It’s great here! We’re going to see Barca play later today! Ben surprised us with tickets this morning, I’m so excited,” Aris’ eyes were sparkling with joy and excitement, and Newt felt very happy for him.

 

“Wow! Don’t forget to send me some snaps then”

 

“I won’t, I won’t”

 

They fell into a comfortable silence then, both just smiling at each other.

 

“I hope there aren’t too many hot boys over there,” Aris’ (very unexpected) comment earned another whistle from Frypan, and when Newt looked up to give him another of his infamous glares, he noticed that Thomas was staring at him. His lips were a in a tight line, eyes firm and eyebrows frowning.

 

“Trust me, there aren’t,” He responded, staring right back at Thomas.

 

“Good, then I don’t have to worry,” Aris sort of joked, but Newt knew that the boy was serious about his comment. He knew that Aris liked him. He knew that Aris was waiting for Newt to make the first move to make things official.

 

“Listen, I have to go, still have to get ready for the big game, I’ll text you alright?” Aris added when he realized Newt didn’t have anything to answer.

 

Newt nodded. “Bye, Aris, have fun!” He waved at the boy who disappeared a few seconds later.

 

“Man, that boy really likes you, Newt”, Teresa came out of nowhere, settling next to Newt on his chair. She was on her phone, probably choosing the right filter for her pictures.

 

“Yeah, Newt. That boy is gone for you,” Frypan added.

 

“Can you guys mind your own bloody business, please?” Newt sighed. He returned his focus back to the book, not in the mood to talk about his personal love life, not noticing Thomas excusing himself and going inside.

 

\---

“No I’m not playing this stupid game.” Newt stated, rolling his eyes.

 

It was the fourth night, and they decided to throw their own little pool party. After some drinking games, everyone was tipsy and Brenda thought it would be fun to act like 15-year olds, throwing in the suggestion to play truth or dare.

 

“Come on, Newt don’t be a baby.” She whined, pulling at his arm to drag him in the circle the others were already sitting in. Fortunately, Newt was stronger than her, still standing firmly pinned to the ground, his arms crossed and eyebrows tied together. He hated that game.

 

“Yeah, come on Newt. Everyone is playing, don’t be such a shank,” Gally added, patting the empty space next to him as an inviting gesture.

 

Newt sighed, which he seemed to do a lot around his friends.

 

“Fine” He gave in, realizing that they all wouldn’t take no for an answer.

 

“I can’t believe I’m hanging out with children.” Newt took his seat next to Gally as the boy patted his shoulder, making Newt roll his eyes again. He was going to regret this.

 

“Okay, who wants to start?” Brenda exclaimed as she took a seat next to Thomas. She was way too excited about this game for a 21-year old.

 

“I’ll go!” Frypan lifted his hand, equally excited. He started looking around, clearly deciding who he was going to make his victim. When his eyes landed on Brenda, he got a vicious look, clearly up to no good.

 

“I pick Brenda,” He said, already carrying a big smirk on his face. She groaned, probably regretting she suggested to play this game.

 

“I dare you to… sniff Gally’s armpits!” Everyone started laughing while Teresa gasped, grabbing Brenda’s hands for support. This was possibly the worst dare anyone could get. Even the thought of sniffing someone else’s armpits made him gag.

 

“That’s disgusting!” Brenda scrunched up her nose, Newt almost pitied her. She hesitantly got up, making her way to Gally.

 

“Oh Brenda, I probably should mention that I haven’t showered since yesterday” Gally smirked, the bastard was enjoying this. Brenda shuddered at Gally’s comment and Newt thought that he would literally die if he had to do this.

 

She took in one last breath before leaning in and sniffing Gally’ armpits. Her facial expression made it clear that Gally’s armpits presumably didn’t smell like roses, and she pulled back quickly, dramatically gasping for air.

 

“This smell is probably planted in my nose forever now” She said after she closed the circle again. “Traumatised forever” Teresa pulled her into a comforting hug, understanding the girl’s trauma. Everyone else was still chuckling at what just took place.

“Okay, my turn now! Thomas!”, he poked the boy’s shoulder. “Truth or dare, mate?”

 

Thomas, who had been awfully quiet this evening, shrugged, it looked like he also wasn’t really in the mood for stupid games.

 

“Fine, I’ll pick for you.. Dare!” Of course, Gally picked dare. Newt knew that he was probably going to make Thomas do something stupid like break eggs on his head or-

 

 

“I dare you to seduce Newt”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT A SHOCKER RIGHT
> 
> Quick question, would you guys like it if I wrote a chapter in Thomas' POV? 
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos so far love you all xxx


	7. Desire

__

In the years that Newt had known Gally, he had wanted to punch him quite a few times. But now, he wanted to kill the bastard.

 

Gally’s dare got all sort of reactions; Frypan started cracking up, Brenda and Teresa were giggling, Minho was speechless and Thomas was just sitting there, mouth hanging wide open.

 

“Err, I don’t think-” Thomas started, but Gally was quick to interrupt him.

 

“I’m not going to change my dare, Thomas. If you don’t do the dare, you’ll have to do 8 tequila shots.”

 

Motherfocker.

 

Everyone knew that Thomas wouldn’t be able to handle 8 tequila shots- hell, no one could.

 

Newt was still trying to process everything that was happening in his head, when he saw Thomas hesitantly standing up and make his way towards him.

 

Alarms went off in his head, because no way in hell that he was going to be able to handle this.

 

Thomas desperately tried to make eye contact with Newt, giving him a look that communicated how sorry he was for what he was about to do. The blond boy swallowed, his body felt numb and lifeless. This can’t be happening, he thought.

 

Before he knew it, Thomas sat down on his lap so his knees were on either side of his legs, Frypan and Gally whistling behind them. He grabbed Newt’s face, making sure that Newt was looking him right in the eye, giving him another apologizing look, softly brushing his cheek with his fingers as a gestation of comfort. He knew what this would do to Newt.

 

And then, all of a sudden, Newt was in…. Heaven.

 

Thomas started leaving small kisses on his neck, gentle and hesitant at first. Newt’s eyes rolled back habitually and he was trying everything in his power to hold back a moan. Thomas knew exactly what he liked and it was killing Newt. Thomas’ firm and strong hands (Newt’s favourite part of his body) were caressing his back as he bit and licked on Newt’s neck.

 

Everything that Newt had been trying so desperately to push out of his memories came back. Every touch, every kiss, everything that Thomas had once made him feel.

 

Newt almost whined at the loss of contact when Thomas pulled back, but then he was greeted by Thomas’ warm breath on his lips- and oh my god, Thomas was going to kiss him.

 

Newt felt like crying when their lips touched, not knowing if it would be from happiness or desperation. Words couldn’t describe how much he had missed Thomas’ lips on his. He kissed him back passionately, letting his hands wander through the boy’s hair. Everyone around hem had gone quiet, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was how good and familiar this felt. They were moving in sync, both knowing exactly what the other liked.

 

This was all he desired, all he wanted for the rest of life, but couldn’t have. This was just for a stupid game; this didn’t mean anything. Thomas was just doing this because he had to.

 

When this thought hit him, he snapped out of his bulb, eyes fluttering open to Thomas’ closed ones.

 

This was all too much.

 

He pulled back, forcedly pushing Thomas off him, already feeling the tears well up in his eyes.

 

He quickly stood up, noticing everyone was looking at him in shock, Thomas included. What have I done, he thought. He needed to get out of there.

 

“Please, Newt-”Thomas pleaded, but Newt shook his head at him, running to his room as fast as he could.

 

\--- 

Newt was laying on his bed, looking up at the ceiling, tears flowing freely. He hated himself, and he hated Thomas for having this effect on him. He felt like his heart was about to burst. He wished he could switch all his emotions off or pull his heart out and throw it away forever. Feelings sucked.

 

Five minutes later, he heard a soft knock on the door, and he knew it was probably Minho.

 

“Come in,” he sniffled.

 

Minho carefully made his way inside and took a seat on Newt’s bed.

 

“I’m so sorry, Newt. I’m so sorry I didn’t stop it,” Minho said, voice full of sorrow and regret.

 

Newt frowned at him.

 

“This isn’t your fault, Min. It also isn’t Gally’s, he doesn’t know. I’m just a dumb loser that’s in love with his best friend” _And will probably always be_ , he added in his head.

 

Minho scooted a little closer so he could grab Newt’s hand and give it a comforting squeeze.

When Newt looked at their hands, he noticed Minho’s knuckles were bleeding.

 

“Minho... What did you do?” He asked laboriously.

“.. I punched Thomas” Minho spoke up softly, still looking at their hands like he was ashamed. Newt’s eyes widened, and he sat up quickly.

 

“Minho! Why would you do that?”

 

“I’m sorry, okay! I just- ugh, I got so angry when I saw that you were crying, and I just thought of everything that he had done to do you, and maybe the alcohol also played its part, but, I couldn’t hold myself anymore.” He explained.

 

Of course, Newt understood Minho. He thinks he would have done the same if it were the other way around. He also couldn’t handle to see his friends in pain.

 

“Is he okay??”

 

Minho nodded, “He’s fine. I immediately made him a pack of ice. I kept apologizing afterwards, but he wouldn’t take it. He told me he deserved it. I told him I knew everything; he was shocked at first but then he understood. He went to bed a while ago… I think he feels really bad. He looked pretty awful”

 

“Oh god, I can’t believe this happened” Newt rubbed his hands across his face. So much for a carefree vacation. This is exactly why he didn’t want to go in the first place.

 

 Then he thought about the others, who had seen everything happen and probably had a lot of questions now. Gosh, they probably thought Newt was crazy.

 

“What about the others? What did they say?”

 

Minho sighed. “They’re all very confused. Gally hasn’t said a word. I think he feels guilty… Maybe it’s time for you to tell the truth, Newt”

 

Minho was right. He couldn’t keep the others in the dark now. Nothing could explain the events of tonight.

 

“I’ll tell them tomorrow”

 ---

 

Newt woke up to the sound of his door opening. He sat up, squinting his eyes to make out the figure that was standing in the dark.

 

“… Thomas?”

 

The figure approached him, stopping at his bed.

 

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t sleep. I really needed to see you.” Thomas whispered, his voice breaking at the end of his sentence.

 

Newt realized then that the boy was crying. Newt didn’t know what to do. The last thing he had expected was for Thomas to come into his room in the middle of the night.

 

Thomas’ sobs only grew louder, and Newt started feeling bad. No matter what situation they were in now, he hated to see the boy he loved so deeply in pain.

 

Then he did the only thing he could think of. “Come here.” He said, lifting the sheets. Thomas didn’t hesitate, and Newt felt his body next to him in a matter of seconds.

 

“Can I- Can I please just... hug you?” Thomas asked after a couple seconds of just lying there. He sounded so vulnerable and hurt.

 

“I just really- I really need you right now,” he added. This was the first time in years he had seen Thomas so broken, and all he wanted to do was take the boy’s pain away.

 

Newt opened his arms as an answer to Thomas’ question, and he immediately snuggled into Newt’s inviting arms. They both sighed at the contact, Newt had forgotten how much he loved Thomas’ scent. He shuddered at the feeling of Thomas’ hot breath on his neck, his mind going back to a couple of hours ago.

 

“Thank you” the boy softly whispered in his ears, and Newt just nodded.

 

Maybe this was what they both needed right now.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT IS HAPPENINGG
> 
> thank you for all your comments!!
> 
> I can't believe this is already the 7th chapter


	8. Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry you had to wait so long but here it is! The next chapter

Chapter 8:

 

 

Newt’s eyes fluttered open when he felt a sharp pain in his ribs. He stretched his body, freezing when he softly hit something with his hands. Then the realization hit him.

 

Thomas.

 

He turned around, facing Thomas who was still very much asleep. His mouth was hanging open and he was making soft noises like he was having a dream. He looked ridiculous but adorable at the same time.

 

Newt sighed heavily and turned on his back so he was facing the ceiling. After Newt had invited the crying boy into his bed last night, he had held him in his arms until he finally calmed down. Newt had never seen Thomas like that before and it triggered a sense of guilt inside of him. Because, maybe Thomas cared more about the situation- or him than he thought.

 

After Thomas had calmed down, they had talked for a while and decided together that it was best for them to come clean to the rest of the group. No more lies, no more hiding. Everything out in the open. If everyone would know the truth, situations like last night could be avoided in the future.

 

Newt also concluded that he was going to tell Aris about Thomas, because he realized that the poor boy was falling for him and he wouldn’t be able to give him what he deserved. Aris was a wonderful boy who deserved someone’s full love and devotion, not some guy who was still trying to get over his best friend. He deserved someone who could give him his whole heart, and that’s just something Newt would never be able to do.

 

* * *

 

“You guys were together for a whole _year_ and you didn’t tell us??” Frypan stated full disbelief, eyes shocked. All the others pretty much had the same expression, except for Minho of course, who just sat there with his arms crossed and a slight smile on his face. He was probably happy that Newt had listened to his advice to tell the rest of the group.

 

“It wasn’t exactly-“

 

“Yes, we were,” Thomas interrupted Newt. Newt raised his eyebrows at Thomas, shocked to hear those words coming out of the boy’s mouth.

 

They never called it a relationship. They never made anything official or called each other boyfriends. So, to hear Thomas confirm Frypan’s question surprised him. Did Thomas really see it as a relationship?

 

“I can’t believe no one ever noticed, especially not me,” Teresa responded. Newt figured that the shock would be biggest for her, since she and Thomas fooled around sometimes.

 

“Yeah well, Thomas always made sure no one would find out,” Newt said sarcastically, earning a look from Thomas.

 

“Why did you break up?”

 

Thomas and Newt exchanged looks. They hadn’t discussed that part.

 

Before Thomas could say something, Newt decided to step up.

 

“It just didn’t work out, so we decided together to stay friends,” he simply said. No one seemed convinced of Newt’s answer, but they nodded anyway. They probably didn’t want to bring up any painful drama.

 

“Then why did Minho punch Thomas yesterday? And why did you run away crying? I’m not buying it.” Of course, Gally was the only one to protest Newt’s answer. This frustrated Newt, because the last thing he wanted to do was put Thomas in a bad position with his friends. That was also the main reason why he never told them.

 

“Because I broke his heart, Gally.”

 

Newt’s head snapped in Thomas’ direction. He needed to say something before Thomas would ruin everything.

 

“Thomas you don’t have-“He tried, but Thomas wasn’t having it.

 

“You don’t have to defend me, Newt. It’s true. I was an awful person to Newt and I played with his feelings. I never deserved him and that’s the truth. Minho knew about what I did, and like any friend would do, he stood up for Newt and gave me exactly what I deserved.

There you have your answer, Gally.”

 

By the time Thomas finished, everyone- including Newt was looking at him in awe. Newt didn’t know what to feel. He was surprised, shocked and sad all in one. This was the first time he heard Thomas say this and he couldn’t deny that it felt like a weight was dropped from his shoulders. Thomas had finally realized what he had done.

 

“Wow… This is a lot to take in.” Brenda stated after a couple of minutes of silence. Every one nodded, agreeing with what she said.

 

“I’m sorry Newt, if I had known what an asshole Thomas was, I never would have dared him to seduce you.” Gally looked genuinely guilty.

 

“It’s okay, you didn’t know. And I’m fine now so, let’s just make the best of our last day here together alright?” Newt replied, forgiving Gally and trying to get everyone excited for their last day. They were flying home tomorrow morning, and after that school was starting again so Newt really wanted to enjoy his last day here.

 

Gally jumped up.

“Last one in the pool has to do all the dishes!!”

 

They all started running to the pool, jumping in with all their clothes on. Thomas finished last because he tripped over his own feet and everyone was laughing again.

 

“Guess I deserve this,” He shrugged.

 

* * *

 

 

The last day was one of the best. Newt felt like the tension he didn’t even know was there had disappeared and everyone was having a blast. They went snorkelling and had dinner on the beach. After that they had a small party at their pool, thank god they didn’t play truth or dare. Newt even had some small talk with Thomas which was nice. The only thing he noticed was that Teresa was really quiet, which was very strange for her. But at least, It all felt a little bit normal again. Newt felt like he could breathe again, and he thinks Thomas felt the same.

 

* * *

 

 

Newt was sitting in his favourite coffee bar, tapping his fingers nervously against the table. Since they got back from Mallorca, he couldn’t get Teresa out of his head. So, he decided to call her and ask her to meet up for coffee. So, there he was, waiting for her to show up. He didn’t know exactly what he would ask, but he felt like there was something that he needed to know. Ever since he and Thomas confessed about their ‘relationship’, she had been very quiet, avoiding all eye contact with him. He knew something was up.

 

She had hesitated on the phone, but Newt had practically begged for her to meet him. He looked up at the sound of the door opening. A soaking wet Teresa entered the bar, cursing to herself. Newt couldn’t deny that he also missed the weather in Mallorca. Ever since they got back, they had rain every single day.

 

When she spotted him, she gave him a small smile and came over, dropping into the opposite chair.

 

“Hey” He started, feeling a little bit awkward.

 

“Hi, sorry I’m late.” She replied, clearly feeling the same.

 

Newt figured that he should just get to the case, so they could clear the air between them.

 

“I wanted to meet up because I’ve noticed you’ve been acting strange. Ever since Thomas and me told about our relationship, you’ve been really quiet and not yourself. I just wanted to know if everything is okay between us you know? I know you and Thomas started doing err.. things recently. So I just wanted to tell you that what me and Thomas had is In the past and you don’t have to worry or anything.”

 

Teresa was looking down at her hands that were resting on the table while Newt rambled on. “We ended things months ago so, I really hope you’re not mad at me or-“

 

“I’m not mad at _you_ , Newt.” Teresa interrupted. She looked up at him, and Newt braced himself for what was coming next.

 

“I’m mad at myself, and at Thomas.”

 

This confused him.

 

“I don’t understand.. Why?” He frowned.

 

Teresa sighed.

 

“Because Thomas and I have been hooking up for the past two years.” She said softly.

 

Newt couldn’t believe what he had just heard.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know what you're all thinking
> 
> ANOTHER NEW DRAMA
> 
> I know I know I'm sorry, did you guys see this coming? Please let me know  
> xxxx


	9. Answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas explains everything.

 

 

Newt was fuming.

 

He was angrily walking down the streets with one goal in mind: Thomas’ appartement. His whole body was shaking with anger as he was still trying to process everything that Teresa had told him.

 

Apparantly, Thomas came on to her only a couple of days after the (very drunken) kiss between him and Newt had taken place, and they had been having casual hookups ever since. It only stopped for a couple of months until New Years Eve, where they kissed again.

 

Newt was mostly angry at Thomas because he called what they had a real relationship in front of their friends, and made Newt believe it too. This had given Newt hope that what they had had also been special for Thomas. But now, he realized that it was never special and he was just a random hookup.

 

Teresa had tried to calm him down, reassuring him that Thomas had actual feelings for him that year because he told her that the last day in Mallorca, but Newt wouldn’t hear it. He was raging and all he wanted to do was punch Thomas in the face.

 

When he got to the appartement after a short walk,  he thanked heavens that he still had his key and marched up the stairs as fast and as angry as he could. He impatiently knocked on the door with his fist, hoping that the bastard was home.

 

A few moments later, the door opened to a very tired looking Thomas, and before he could say something, Newt grabbed him by his collar and backed him up against the wall.

 

“You fucking asshole!” He yelled in Thomas’ face. The boy looked taken aback, impressed by Newt’s grip on him.

 

“Newt, what the hell-“

 

“Teresa told me everything” He cut of Thomas, and Thomas’s reaction confirmed that he immidiatly knew what Newt was talking about. Newt felt himself die a little bit inside, deep down he still had hoped that what Teresa had told him was a big lie.

 

“Listen, I can explain-“

 

“How could you do this to me? Everytime I think you’re done breaking my heart you just do it again. How dare you tell our friends that we were in a ‘real relationship’ while you were fucking another girl?? I fucking loved you, you piece of shit” Newt’s voice had gone from angry to devestated in seconds. He was just so sick of all this.

 

Thomas kept quiet while Newt was firmly looking into his eyes, searching for an answer.

 

“I was in denial, okay? I couldn’t accept who I was and that’s why I acted like a fucking asshole and threw away everything good in my life, including you.” Thomas finally responded.

 

“I… I hated myself… Before you kissed me, I never even thought about liking boys but then when it happened I actually enjoyed it and I felt so disgusted with myself. I didn’t want to be..gay. So, I started sleeping with Teresa, because I thought that would help me ‘heal’, I guess” Thomas looked deeply ashamed at his confession, and he tried to avoid Newt’s questioning eyes.

 

“Then why did you came on to me a couple of weeks after?”

 

“…I couldn’t get you out of my head. I thought by avoiding you that I would just forget and move on with my life. But… I couldn’t. And after a couple of weeks I couldn’t take it anymore so…”

 

Newt loosened his grip on Thomas’ shirt and walked over to the couch, he really needed to sit down. This was all new information for him and It was getting a bit too much. Thomas followed him and set down next to him on the couch, his hands nervously folded into his lap. He was clearly waiting for Newt to say something.

 

“Did you… Did you ever-“

 

“Yes, Newt. Of course I did”

 

Newt gulped. Thomas had loved him. Thomas had actually loved him.

 

“Then why did you dump me like I didn’t mean anything to you?” This was the last question Newt really needed an answer for.

 

Thomas nodded, clearly expecting this question from Newt. He scooted closer and hesitantly put a hand on Newt’s leg. Newt tensed at first, but felt himself relaxing under Thomas’ touch, like this was the comfort he needed.

 

“In that year I spend with you, I still couldn’t find a way to accept myself. And I knew how you felt about me, I knew you wanted more.I could see it in your eyes, but I wasn’t ready for that. At that moment, I thought I never would be ready. I couldn’t give you what you wanted and deserved. That’s why I had to let you go, Newt. I didn’t deserve your love, I never did.”

 

By the time Thomas had finished his explanation, they were both teared up, sitting as close as they could.

 

Newt couldn’t believe that he finally knew the truth.

 

“You.. You really loved me?” Was all Newt could bring out.

 

Thomas nodded, tears flowing freely before he pulled Newt into a hug.

 

 

 

**June, 2017**

_Newt was excited to get home. It had been an awfully long day at school and he hadn’t seen Thomas for two whole days. He was already missing the boy like crazy. He strolled down the streets, bumping into people a few times because he was walking so fast._

_Thomas and him had been keeping everything secret for a year now, doing everything behind their friends’ and family’s back. But Newt felt like things were starting to get more serious, and he was planning on asking Thomas to make things official between them. The thought of Thomas officially becoming his boyfriend made him nervous but also very excited._

_When he finally arrived at their apartment, he quickly got up the stairs and opened the door, ready to attack Thomas with kisses and everything else he desired._

_“Hey, Tommy,” Newt excitedly made his way to the couch where Thomas was watching TV, dropping down next to him. He draped his arm over Thomas’ shoulder, leaning in to kiss him._

_Thomas didn’t kiss him back._

_“Tommy, what’s wrong?” Newt pulled back, frowning at the boy._

_The other boy sighed, positioning himself so there was distance between them. Newt was starting to get worried._

_“I’m sorry, Newt”_

_“What are you sorry for?”_

_“I think we should… stop this”_

_Newt felt like the world around him started falling apart._

_“But-… Why?”_

_“I just think it’s better if we go back to being friends… Best friends”_

_Newt was trying everything in his power to fight back the tears that were welling up in his eyes._

_“What if- What if I don’t want that, Tommy?” He pleaded. His voice was trembling as he grabbed Thomas’ hands, hoping that Thomas would tell him he was joking any minute._

_“I’m really sorry, Newt” was the last thing Thomas said before he pulled his hands away, grabbed his coat and made his way out the door._

_Newt was left broken and devastated._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this was short!
> 
> But I really wanted this chapter so you guys could hear his side of the story.
> 
> Please let me know if you still like this! :)
> 
> lots of love xxx


	10. Shine

 

 

When Thomas pulled him into a hug, Newt realized something: Thomas thought he had forgiven him. Thomas thought that Newt understood him and the way he had treated him. Thomas thought that everything was okay between them now.

 

But, Newt wasn’t okay.

 

He pulled away, rubbing his eyes in an attempt to dry them. He didn’t even realize he was crying until he saw a tear fall on Thomas’ shoulder. He was so weak.  

 

“… I hope you know I’m not- I’m not okay with this, Thomas. I haven’t _forgiven_ you. “ Newt started, getting straight to the point. He needed Thomas to know.

 

“But, Newt I-“

 

“I’m releaved that I finally know the truth, but that doesn’t justify the way you treated me and made me feel for all those months. You broke my heart and made me feel like shit, like I wasn’t good enough. And to make things worse, you were sleeping with someone else to ‘heal’ yourself? How do you think that makes me feel, Thomas? Are you still disgusted by gay people? Disgusted by me?”

 

The boy didn’t answer. He just stared at Newt with sad eyes. This was Newt’s cue to get up and out of Thomas’ space. He always felt intoxicated whenever he was close to Thomas, almost like the boy put a spell on him that made him weak.

 

“I’m going to leave now. I really hope you think about what you did and talk to Teresa, because I’m not the only one who deserves an explanation.” The only response he got from Thomas was a small nod.

 

On that note, Newt left.

 

 

Newt had been dreading this moment. Ever since he realized that he wouldn’t be able to give Aris what he deserved, he had been trying to avoid him. He thought that maybe the boy wouldn’t care as much and would simply move on. But after dozens of calls and texts from the boy, who kept asking him to meet up and go out for dinner or drinks, he knew he couldn’t postpone the talk any longer.

 

He needed to set him free. He needed to break his heart.

 

Newt had asked him to come by his appartment to hangt out, which resulted in a very excited answer from the brunet, saying he would be there in half an hour. _Poor boy_ , Newt thought. He really hated this, and secretly he hoped that maybe Aris would be okay with it and wouldn’t mind them being just friends. But, he had to be realistic. They had kissed multiple times and Aris never tried to hide his feelings for Newt, his eyes always full of love, looking at Newt like he was the best thing in the world.

 

Kind of how Newt used to stare at Thomas.

 

Newt felt sick in his stomach when he grasped the situation. Had he used Aris? Was he as bad as Thomas was? _I’m such an asshole_ , he thought. He wished he could just stop loving Thomas and open his heart for Aris. But he would never feel that way about someone else, he knew that. He left his heart with Thomas 10 years ago, and that’s where it would always stay.

 

He groaned, pulling at his hair out of frustration. He was going to break the boy’s heart and he would understand exactly how the boy would feel.

 

At the sound of the doorbell, he slowly got to the door, repeating the exact words he would say in his head. He had prepared the whole thing, because that’s what he always did. Think things through.

 

Aris looked adorable, eyes all big and excited to see him. He pulled Newt into a hug, and Newt felt his stomach drop when he heard the boy sigh into his arms.

 

After Newt got them some drinks, they settled on the couch and Aris started talking to him about anything and everything. Newt could barely get a word in, but he listened intensely and laughed at the right moments, until he couldn’t take it any longer.

 

“Listen, Aris. The reason I asked to meet up is because I wanted to talk to you about something.” He started unsurely.

 

“Sure, you can talk to me about anything, Newt” He replied, putting his hands on Newt’s knee in a comforting manner. The boy didn’t even realize that he was the one who would need the comforting.

 

“Erm… You’re really an amazing guy and I’ve had the best time with you. But, I’m afraid I can’t give you what you really want, and I’m really sorry. I wish I could, you have no idea. I’m sorry if i hurt you, that was never my intention.”

 

Newt saw the boy tense, slowly removing his hand from Newt’s knee.

 

“It’s because of Thomas, isn’t it?” This was the last answer that Newt had expected. How would he know?

 

“What do you mean?” Newt bluffed, pretending he didn’t know what Aris was talking about.

 

“I saw you two the first night. I saw how close you were and how you looked at him. That’s when I sort of figured that something was going on between you two. But, you never mentioned him and we kept.. you know, so I thought that maybe I got the wrong impression. But now I know that I was right.” Newt thought back at that moment, when Thomas had pushed him against the wall and apologised in his ear over and over again. How, even though Thomas was wasted, Newt still melted under his touch and it felt like he couldn’t breath anymore when Thomas let him go. He didn’t know that Aris had seen it all, nor did he realize that his feelings for Thomas could be so obvious for the rest of the world.

 

“I’m really sorry, Aris.” Was all Newt could answer, confirming Aris’ statement. Because, he really was sorry, and there was no point in denying the truth. Aris deserved that.

 

“It’s okay, Newt. I have to admit that I really hoped we would end up together, but, I’m glad you’re being honest with me. I can’t force you to like me like that. That’s not how it works,” Aris gave him a sad but sincere smile, and Newt felt sort of relieved. He knew that Aris was hurting inside, his eyes betrayed him. But, he was glad that he didn’t get angry.

 

“I hope we can still be friends, if that’s okay with you” He hoped he would get a positive reaction because he really didn’t want to lose Aris. They had gotten really close in a short period, and that was very unusual for Newt. He never let people in that easily, especially after what happened with Thomas. He didn’t trust anyone.

 

“Of course, you’re not getting rid of me.” Aris joked, making Newt chuckle. _God, In another life I would have loved this boy so much_ , he thought. He couldn’t help but grin widely, happy that Aris still wanted to be a part of his life, and that he got to keep a good friend.

 

“So, are you together with Thomas or?” Aris spoke up after a while. Newt had expected this question, but he really wasn’t in the mood to talk about Thomas.

 

“Erm.. It’s complicated.” Newt figured that his answer would be enough for now. At this moment, him and Thomas were probably not even on speaking terms, let alone _together._ They probably never would be together again. But, Newt didn’t want to explain that he was a desperate loser who was still in love with a guy that only kept breaking his heart and would never accepth his own sexual orientation.

 

“Hmm… Well, I hope everything works out between you too. You deserve it, Newt. He’s one lucky guy.” Newt just nodded, wanting to change the topic as soon as possible before he would start crying like a little baby.

 

He then quickly offered if the boy wanted to watch Netflix. He knew the other boy was obsessed with Peaky Blinders so he offered he would finally watch it, making him squeal in excitement.

 

They watched a couple of episodes and ordered pizza. Newt finally understood Aris’ obsession with the show, cursing to himself that he only started watching it now. After the third episode, Minho came home and joined them on the couch. They talked and lauged together, and Newt felt a little happy inside again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I almost have 150 kudos on this story, thank you so much!  
> I hope y'all still like this story 
> 
> xxx


	11. I want you back

** Chapter 11 **

 

 

**I apologized to Teresa x**

Newt’s lips curled up at Thomas’ text. He was happy she finally got her explanation and an apology, cause that’s exactly what she deserved. But he hoped she didn’t let him off that easy. He wasn’t planning on answering Thomas’ text though. It’s like Thomas was expecting a trophy for his apology, while this was the least he could have done. He also didn’t want to give Thomas any hope that he was starting to forgive him, because that was the last thing on his mind for now. He felt like the boy deserved to suffer, just like he had for the last year. Internalized homophobia isn’t an excuse to use and hurt people, and Thomas needed to realize that.

 

* * *

 

 

Not responding to Thomas’ text didn’t seem to work tough, since the next morning when Newt stepped out if his apartment to leave for school, Thomas was standing at his door.

 

Newt stopped abruptly at the door, shocked by the sudden appearance of the boy.

 

“What are you doing here?” He hissed, Thomas was the last person he wanted to see right now. But, of course- Thomas was still Thomas, and when that boy had his mind set on something, he had to fix it immediately.

 

The boy bit his lip and scratched the back of his neck, something he always did when he was nervous or didn’t know what to say. It seemed like Thomas didn’t even know the answer himself.

 

Newt sighed and rolled his eyes when the brunet didn’t respond.

 

“I’ve got to get to class,” Newt tried to pass the boy, but Thomas grabbed his arm to stop him.

 

“Please just-, just let me walk you to school,” he pleaded, sad eyes boring into Newt’s. His eyes were the first thing Newt fell for, always so big and full of joy. But now they looked empty and exhausted. Newt wondered if the boy had been getting any sleep lately. His hair was a mess, he had grown a small stubble (which Newt swore he didn’t find attractive at all) and he was wearing sweatpants that apparently hadn’t seen the washing machine in a few months.

 

“Please, Newt” Thomas repeated.

 

Newt hesitated before giving a small nod. It was way too early to start an argument and he knew Thomas would keep insisting. Thomas could walk him to school, but that didn’t mean that he was planning on talking to him.

 

They started walking the usual path to school, Newt trying desperately to keep the distance to a maximum. After 5 minutes of walking, Thomas still hadn’t said a word and things were starting to get really awkward.

 

“Did you get my text?” Newt jumped a little at Thomas’ voice, already lost in his thoughts.

 

“Yes Thomas, I did.” He answered, the irritation clear in his voice. He had a full day of classes ahead of him, and all he needed was a large coffee and a Thomas-free environment.

 

Thomas let out a small ‘oh’ when he probably realized that Newt purposefully ignored his texts. What did he expect, really?

 

“She slapped me, you know, when I told her the truth,” Thomas continued, rubbing his cheek as if it still hurt.

 

Newt had to bite his lip to keep himself from laughing out loud. He couldn’t believe Teresa actually had the courage to slap him. He made a mental note to call her later so he could hear her part of the story (and maybe congratulate her).

 

“I can’t lie, Thomas. But, that’s exactly what you deserved,” Thomas seemed to notice Newt’s struggle to keep from laughing, which plastered a small smile on his face. He was gazing at Newt in a way that made him uncomfortable. He cleared his throat, trying to focus on something else.

 

“You’re right. I did deserve it,” Thomas replied after a while, still holding his gaze on Newt while they kept on walking. Silence took over again, and Newt did his best to keep his eyes anywhere but on Thomas, who kept eyeing him every few minutes.

 

The boy must have had a reason to show up at his door after 2 weeks of complete silence, except for yesterday’s text. Newt was struggling to keep his mouth shut, but he didn’t want to give in. As curious as he was, he was determined to make sure Thomas didn’t get the wrong vibe. He just hoped that Thomas would be the one to speak up and say what he had to say.

 

When they finally reached Newt’s school, Thomas stopped swiftly, holding Newt back with his arm. The blond boy knitted his brows, naturally turning his body towards Thomas. Newt felt like the mood had suddenly shifted 180 degrees. Guess this was Thomas’ time to speak up.

 

“Listen, Newt, there’s a reason why I needed to see you today,” Thomas started. “I just really need to tell you something, and I can’t hide it any longer.”

 

“What do you mean?” Newt felt nervous at Thomas’ words, his heartbeat speeding up every second.

 

“I just- I miss you so much and it’s literally driving me crazy. I can’t eat- I- I can’t sleep... You’re the only thing on my mind, Newt.”

 

“Are you saying that- “Newt tried, but Thomas wasn’t done talking yet.

 

“I want you, Newt. I’m in love with you and I _always_ have been in love with you, it just took me a while to realize that.” Thomas ended his fortuitous confession in a small voice. He looked astonished, like he couldn’t believe he had the courage to speak these words out loud.

 

Meanwhile, Newt was still trying to process everything he had just heard. He didn’t know what to think, he didn’t know what to feel and he certainly didn’t know what to say. Those words were the last thing he would have expected to leave Thomas’ mouth.

 

“Newt?” Thomas gulped. The boy was probably terrified right now, since Newt was just standing there with a blank expression.

 

It was slowly clicking in his head that the reason that Thomas had showed up at his door was to confess his love for him. This all felt surreal to him, like he was in the middle of a dream (or a nightmare?).

 

“Please say something,” Thomas voice cracked at his last word, slowly losing every last bit of confidence he had in him.

 

Newt was trying to find the words to reply, but every time he opened his mouth to speak, he swallowed his words back in. Something in his mind was warning him, like he shouldn’t believe Thomas’ words. Thomas had used him before, and Thomas had find ways to get Newt to crawl back to him like a little puppy, so this could be a new tactic of him.

 

He found it very hard to believe that Thomas would suddenly be okay with being an openly couple with him, so the first thing that popped into his mind was that Thomas wanted to go back to last year and have Newt around as his secret little fuck.

 

_Fucking bastard_ , Newt thought.

 

When Newt still didn’t react, Thomas tried to reach forward, making the other boy jump backwards.

 

“No, please don’t- don’t touch me, Thomas,” He flinched. He always felt weak and vulnerable whenever Thomas touched him, that was the kind of power the other boy had over him. But he needed to be strong.

 

“But-“

 

“I can’t believe you would do this, you fucking bastard,” Newt then said, like he made up his mind about Thomas’ intensions.

 

“Do what, Newt? I meant what I said!” Thomas sounded confused and looked in shock of Newt’s reaction.

 

“So, what huh? You want to go back to living in the bloody closet with me, huh? Keep our ‘relationship’ under the cover and only call me when you need a fuck? You expected me to fall into your arms like some romantic comedy and be with you like you didn’t fucking break me thousands of times before?” Newt spat at him.

 

“No stop it, Newt. I’m serious! I’m not fucking lying to you, I really want to be together!” Thomas pleaded, wanting to touch Newt again, but every time he stepped closer the other boy took a step back. He was having none of Thomas’ shit.

 

“So, you’re telling me that you’re willing to call your parents right now and tell them you’re in love with a boy? That you want to walk around hand in hand like it’s no big fucking deal to you?” Newt dared him, already knowing what Thomas’ answer would be.

 

Thomas didn’t answer, he just stood there, thinking over Newt’s words. He opened his mouth, almost like he was going to respond, but then he closed it again. That was enough for Newt to have his answer.

 

“That’s what I thought, you’re still the same bastard from last year! I will never be your little secret again, you hear me? Don’t ever talk to me again!”

 

 With that, Newt ran to his school.

 

And for the first time, Newt broke Thomas’ heart.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so sorry for the long wait!
> 
> School is killing me at the moment, but the story is slowly coming to an end so it will be easier for me to write the last few chapters!
> 
> Again, sorry for all the drama! 
> 
> Love you guys <3


	12. Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for the delay! I've been busy with my finals and couldn't find any inspiration lately so
> 
> This is also a short chapter, normally I'll be updating more frequently again.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

 

Thomas woke up with an awfully dry mouth, stumbling out of his bed to get to his kitchen as quickly as possible, before he would die of dehydration. He grabbed a bottle of water and started downing the substance like his life depended on it. After consuming the whole bottle, he felt like he was alive again. He groaned as he held a hand to his forehead, his headache becoming stronger every second.

 

Yesterday had been rough.

 

After Newt stormed off, Thomas had gone to his own classes, even though he found it nearly impossible to concentrate. All he could think about was Newt’s angry eyes staring him down like he was the most awful person in the world and Newt’s words cutting through him like a knife. Minho, who had the same classes that day, seemed to notice and kept asking him if something was wrong, but Thomas shrugged him off and lied that everything was fine.

 

And of course, he understood. He understood where Newt was coming from, that the blond wouldn’t be able to trust him anymore or even think about being with him, but confessing his love for Newt was something he had to do. He had been miserable for weeks- months even, always feeling like a part of him was missing without Newt by his side. So, he decided to build up all his courage and show up at Newt’s door, which had made everything worse. Newt was never going to forgive him.

 

That night, he thought it would be a good idea to get his mind off things and get some drinks at their local pub, which resulted in getting kicked out at 12 p.m. with 8 glasses of whiskey in his system and a beautiful blond boy still on his mind. He had stumbled in his appartement, tripping over his own feet in the process and falling flat on his face. Too miserable (or drunk) to get up, he laid there for 20 minutes, calling himself every bad name he could think of before pushing himself off the floor and on to his bed, falling asleep under a minute.

 

So now, he wasn’t just a shit person, he also physically felt like shit. His life was messed up, but it was all his own fault. He had dissapointed and hurt every single person he cared about, so now he would have to deal with the consequences.

 

Thomas’ thoughts were interrupted by a loud knocking on his door, followed by an equally loud ‘Thomas!’.

 

Minho.

 

Thomas slowly approached his door, trying to think of any reason why Minho would visit him. He opened the door, a baffled look on his face as he eyed Minho who looked like he had just run a marathon.

 

“Minho! You look… sweaty.” Thomas knew that Minho liked to run in the park that wasn’t too far from his place so he figured that was were the boy came from.

 

“Yeah, and you look like shit, what else is new,” Minho replied with a shrug, entering the appartment as if it was his own. He jogged to the kitchen and opened the fridge to grab a bottle of water. Thomas followed him, his head hurting more and more with every step he took. He decided then to never touch a glass of whiskey again.

 

“I texted you this morning to go running with me but you didn’t reply so I thought I would check on you, you seemed pretty off yesterday” Minho said after he downed half the bottle.

 

Thomas realized then that he didn’t even know where his phone was at the moment. He just hoped that even in his very drunken state, he had put it on his nightstand like he always did.

 

“Yeah, sorry I was still asleep,” he replied, not even thinking about mentioning his drunken state of last night. He didn’t want to worry the boy or think that he was starting to have a drinking problem.

 

The Asian nodded, eyeing him up and down in a suspicious way he always did when he sensed something was wrong. That’s when it hit Thomas.

 

He was still wearing the same clothes from yesterday, he probably smelled like shit and he could literally kill someone with his breath.

 

Shit.

 

“So, what did you do this time, Thomas? Newt has locked himself up in his room again,” Minho asked. He leaned against the counter casually, crossing his arm as he waited for Thomas’ explanation. Thomas was very grateful he didn’t ask why he slept in his clothes, but this question wasn’t exactly better. His heart dropped when he thought about Newt isolating himself again. How was he going to explain to Minho that it was his fault again?

 

The hungover boy sighed deeply, hesitating to answer. Minho seemed to notice this.

 

“I promise I won’t hit you this time,” he added in a joking manner but Thomas didn’t laugh. He still believed he deserved to be punched in the face at least a hundred times for all the shit he had done.

 

“I may sort of told him that I’m in love with him and always have been, and that I really want to be with him,” Thomas explained finally.

 

“Wait… That’s a good thing, right?” Minho looked confused and Thomas wished he could have said yes and for once in his life not disappoint his friend, but sadly, disappointment was Thomas’ middle name.

 

“I guess… But he didn’t believe me. He thought I wanted to have the same relationship as our previous one, to hide it again from the rest of the world… He questioned me, asking if I would call my parents right now to tell them I was in love with a boy…” Thomas continued. This was the part where he messed up. He shouldn’t have hesitated; he should have just done exactly what Newt had asked from him. He should have just screamed it out for the world to know how much he loved the boy.

 

“Well, what did you say?” Minho asked when Thomas didn’t finish his explanation. Thomas could read from his face that he was expecting a stupid answer from him.

 

“I… hesitated?” Thomas’ voice was small and ashamed.

 

Minho sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose like this was exactly the answer he was expecting from the boy.  He stood up straight suddenly, and Thomas knew he was in his ‘protect newt at all costs’ mode.

 

“Are you fucking kidding me, Thomas?” Minho said. He sounded exhausted, but furious at the same time. “Why do you keep breaking his heart? Sometimes I think you’re actually enjoying this.”

 

“I know, Minho. I know. I’m the biggest asshole in the world who doesn’t deserve Newt in the slightest, but I do _love_ him. I was just shocked by his sudden outburst and I didn’t think everything trough,” Thomas knew he didn’t have a good excuse, but what he said was true. He just needed Newt to know, he didn’t exactly think about everyone else.

 

“Yeah, not thinking things trough is sort of your speciality Thomas, we all know that. But you have to stop doing this. I know your heart is in the right place, but that boy is unconditionally in love with you and it will take a lot for him to trust you again.”

 

“What should I do?” Thomas asked somewhat desperately.

 

Minho sighed, contemplating his answer. “Give it time, Thomas. Make it up to him, show him that your intensions are true... And for fuck’s sake don’t mess things up again.”

 

Thomas nodded. He was going to try everything to win over Newt again.

 

“I promise I won’t, Minho.”

 

 


End file.
